


Juno Steel and the Dungeon of Dreams

by NeitherEverNorNever



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Multi, and who doesn't like using roleplaying games to cope?, we gonna work through some Trauma!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22819201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeitherEverNorNever/pseuds/NeitherEverNorNever
Summary: After a heist from the Venusian Museum of Cultural History forces the Aurinko Crime Family into hiding for a few months, Rita gets a perhaps silly, perhaps genius idea: why not spend the time between heists playing this old Earth game called Dungeons & Dragons?If only she knew what she was getting them into. The game brings out the group's various traumas in ways that they couldn't have ever expected. But sometimes we need to look back only to be sure we have not walked this path before...
Relationships: Buddy Aurinko & Peter Nureyev & Rita & Jet Sikuliaq & Juno Steel & Vespa, Buddy Aurinko/Vespa, Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 13
Kudos: 52





	1. Juno Steel and the Dungeon of Dreams (Part 1)

**Author's Note:**

> Note: this story contains spoilers for the Penumbra Podcast up to s3e06 (tools of rust part 2) with references to events in s3e07 and s3e08 (shadows on the ship part 1 and 2). Please make sure that you are caught up before reading! I don't want to spoil you :(

_*sounds of a dinner parlour*_

Ah, good evening, Traveller. And welcome...to the Penumbra.

Tonight’s entertainment is: Juno Steel and the Dungeon of Dreams.

_*sounds fade out*_

A beep came over my coms. “Hey, boss,” Rita shouted, “you’re gonna wanna look at this!”

I sighed heavily. She says that about literally anything. I once heard her coo over a cat that turned out to be a bomb.

The name’s Juno Steel. I _was_ a private eye, but ever since everything that happened to Oldtown Hyperion I’ve been, well, busy with this case. Whatever that means.

“Mista Steel!” Rita said again into my coms. “This is of big cultural importance!”

“I can’t see anything, Rita,” I said into the coms mic, “the room’s camera isn’t that good.”

“Egad,” I heard the cooing voice of Peter Nureyev say before I could reply, “is that what I think it is?”

“Looks like it, Mr. Ransom.” Rita replied, using Nureyev’s current assumed name. “Do you think-?”

“Hey, Miss Museum and ‘date’,” I interrupted, adding as much venom to ‘date’ as I could, “the Venusian Museum of Cultural Artifacts closes in half an hour, so maybe skip the guided tour and get to the VES before our good friends find you.”

“Goodness, Juno, we’re nearly there.” I heard Peter sigh loudly. 

“Just a few more seconds to decrypt the firewall...” I heard Rita say, trailing off as I heard her pressing buttons. “Ah-ha! We’re in!” I heard her chuckle. “Always wanted to say that! Just like in the movies, like when Frank Coldheart broke into the Mighty Five’s coms room in _Flame War_ and-“

“Ms. Rita,” Peter said gently, “perhaps we could resume this riveting discussion topic later.”

“Right, sorry Mr. Ransom.”

There were a few more moments of clicking and something that sounded like a screech, then Peter exclaimed, “Got it! Putting it into the briefcase now.”

“Perfect.” I said, punching the air. “Now all you gotta do is get it back through security before someone asks questions more specific than ‘Did you enjoy your tour today?’”

“Sounds like everything is going great, darling.” I turned around to see Buddy Aurinko leaning against the doorway of my room, her orange red hair framing her face like a halo. Normally she would be doing the liaison job for the ground troops, but she felt ill after the whole Neptune affair. That and Vespa was about to escort Peter and Rita back through security, and she always felt a little off whenever Vespa was away.

“Thanks.” I said to her, then turned my attention back to my coms. “Jet, is the RUBY7 ready to pick up our trio from the front steps?”

“I’m just parking now, Juno.” Jet monotoned. Ever since Neptune, he’d also been very closed off. He had a good excuse though; I remember seeing him scrub blood from the RUBY7 once he and Rita got back aboard the Carte Blanche, and I haven’t gotten much else out of him since.

The next several minutes were agonizing as I heard Peter, Rita, and Vespa making a slow getaway from the Venusian Museum of Cultural History. Their trip through security meant that they removed their coms, so if something went wrong we wouldn’t find out until they got out. Only the ambient sounds of the museum played, with people shouting, talking animatedly, and the beeping of the security checkpoint. 

A gruff voice at one point loudly said, “Sir, we’ll need to scan your briefcase.” My heart leaped into my throat, and the sharp intake of Buddy’s breath indicated she was also afraid. The moment of truth; Rita needed to have slipped a bug into their scanner’s camera to show the same image as when they entered. 

I twirled my curled hair anxiously. “Um-“

“Shh.” Buddy shushed behind me. “Let Rita do what she does best, dear.” Despite whatever sickness she had, her matronly tone was still there.

I heard a loud beep that made me and Buddy wince. Then I heard a slight chuckle.

“Just my binoculars.” I heard Vespa say loudly. “For...uh...looking.”

I shook my head. I knew she wasn’t suited for something this delicate.

“Ma’am,” I heard a gruff voice say, “there’s something clinking around inside. We just need to check to be sure there’s nothing in here, okay?”

“That’s ‘cause they’re broken!” Vespa said forcibly. “You broke my antique, you dummy!”

“Ma’am,” the guard replied, with a tremor in his voice, “is that-“

He didn’t get to finish, as I heard the sounds of Peter yelling something at the guard caused him to tell her to stay right there, and to not move while he went to go investigate “that gentleman over there.” That’s when Peter put his coms back in.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.” His voice came in crystal clear. “I just noticed that I forgot my coat in the bin there.”

“Of course, sir.” This, of course was the perfect diversion for Vespa to sneak through the guards. 

We almost got away with it too.

“Hey!” the guard said over Peter’s coms, “I told you to stay put!”

All hell broke loose. I heard Vespa grunt and something made of glass shatter. An alarm went off, a drowning ringing sound that completely blocked out Rita and Peter’s coms. I heard yelling, and what I think was a scream. Pure panic.

The alarm sound began to fade out as it was replaced by the sounds of footsteps slapping against pavement. A couple of yells came from behind them, but they were too far to make out the words.

“Come on, Jet!” I heard Rita yell at the top of her lungs, causing me to wince in pain. “Get the car! Oooh, I’ve always wanted to say that too! I can’t believe I’ve got to say two great quotes from _Flame War_ -“

“Ms. Rita,” Jet interrupted, “now is not the time to give me pop culture references.” I heard the RUBY7 hum and make that whistle sound that meant it was talking to Jet. “Yes, Ruby. Do we have everyone?” Another positive whistle. “Off we go then.”

I heard the four-times-multiplied sound of the RUBY7 taking off. I leaned back in my chair, letting out a big sigh.

“It seems they were successful…barely.” Buddy laid a hand on my shoulder. “You did well, Juno.”

Well, that was an emotion. I wasn’t interested though; I was just worried about Peter…and Rita…And everyone. I was worried about everyone equally, obviously.

Anyway, it wasn’t long before the four of them were back on the ship. I heard Vespa muttering something about leaving her knife behind while running her fingers through her neon-green hair. Jet was giving Rita and Peter a confused look, but he looked alright. Peter’s jacket was dishevelled, and his glasses were a little askew on his face. Rita was prattling on about who knows what, but only Peter seemed interested.

“…and you can get a castle! And get servants! And become really important in the world!”

“…Sounds wonderful, Rita.” Peter muttered, then his eyes lit up when he saw me. “Juno!” He motioned to the briefcase he was carrying. “We did it!”

“I can see that, Ransom.” I tried to give off some kind of professionalism, but then I motioned to the briefcase. “But what now?”

“Yes,” I heard Buddy say behind me, “now we’re going to be wanted for taking the only remaining VES from the most well-protected museum in the galaxy.” She shook her head. “We‘ll need to lie low for a while.”

“Yeah, no surprise.” I said loudly. “It wouldn’t be the first time that Vespa-“

My voice was cut off by an angry glare from Buddy and a jab in the kidney from Vespa. I exhaled loudly as the air was forced from my lungs.

“Children, behave.” Buddy gave both of us a stern look. “In fact, I think it’s time that we stop acting like loose cannons and more like a team.”

“Oh, Ms. Buddy!” Rita started waving her hand like a drowning person trying to signal a lifeboat. “I have an idea!”

Buddy raised an eyebrow. “And the idea is...?”

“I was talking to Mr. Ransom while we was stealing the VES, because we saw an ancient team game from Old Earth that would be really beneficial and really fun and-“

“The game,” Peter interrupted, “was an old boxed set of Dungeons and Dragons. Still in mint condition, I might add.”

Buddy raised her eyebrow even higher. “A team game?” She crossed her arms. “Is it long?”

“Well, it’s as long as you want it to be! Why, I was thinkin’ we could do it for as long as it takes us to get to our next heist…” Rita kept twirling her foot on the floor.

“I, for one, am extremely interested in this game.” Peter cooed. “Particularly the, how did you put it, the ability to take on a new persona.”

I wasn’t quite convinced. “And how are we going to play this game? You didn’t take it from the museum, did you?”

“Oh, I’m sure I could download a version on my coms and set something up.” Rita suddenly seemed really…anxious? She wasn’t normally this worried about something. But then it hit me: she was really interested in this game, and she was convinced it could help our team-related issues. I was willing to play along, and there weren’t any other immediate objections as we all looked at Rita.

“How about Rita thinks over how she would like to introduce us to this ‘Dungeons and Dragons’,” Buddy replied, filling the silence, “and the rest of you get yourselves cleaned up. There’s something red on your pants, Jet, and it’s driving me up the wall.”

We split back up and went to our separate rooms. Peter veered away from his room at the last minute and decided to join me in mine. 

“Another successful heist.” he said, lightly closing the door behind him. “You know, I’m starting to wonder how your morals are holding up. Stealing things, being away from Hyperion...”

“It’d be a little more bearable if you didn’t remind me of it.” I snapped. “I’m more worried about what kind of silly game Rita has planned for us.”

“It doesn’t seem very silly to me.” He sat down on the bed next to me. “It sounds like a great opportunity to learn about the rest of our little family. How much do you know about Buddy, Vespa, and Jet?” When I failed to immediately reply, he chuckled. “An old Earth writer once said ‘Give a man a mask, and he’ll show you his true face.’”

“It sounds like they were full of shit.” I retorted. “Just because it’s Rita, I’m willing to go along with it.”

“That’s the spirit.” Nureyev laid his hand on mine. It was still electric how he could make me feel something with just a smile or a touch. I’m still getting used to it. “Just be prepared to see things you aren’t expecting.”

“I can’t prepare for them if they’re unexpected, Nur...Ransom.”

Peter blinked and cocked his head, but was saved replying by the sound of loud banging on the door.

“MISTA STEEL!”

“Coming, Rita!” I gave Nureyev a smirk and then went out to follow Rita to whatever crazy thing she had cooked up for us.

Some people might say I had a spring in my step, but they’re lying, obviously. Juno Steel, private eye, never acts excited for anything. Or anyone.

_*sounds of a dinner parlour fade back in*_

Oh, going so soon? Well, there will be plenty more from this story, I assure you.

The Penumbra Podcast is created and produced by Kevin Vibert and Sophie Kaner, and funded by your generous support on Patreon.


	2. Juno Steel and the Dungeon of Dreams (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After stealing the VES, the Crime Family sit down in the lounge of the Carte Blanche while Rita explains the game. Juno comes up with a character concept, but it might hit a little close to home...

*sounds of a dinner parlour*

Ah, good evening, Traveller. 

And welcome...to the Penumbra.

Tonight’s entertainment is: Juno Steel and the Dungeon of Dreams.

*sounds fade out*

Rita collected all of us and led us to the Carte Blanche’s “lounge.” I say lounge, but it was really more of a cleaned-up cargo bay. The place still smelled of the RUBY7’s special brand of fuel and some spilled food that had never quite been cleaned up. She and Jet were in the process of moving some crates to make into a makeshift table, while Vespa was delicately checking Buddy’s temperature.

My name’s Juno Steel; I am a private eye without a case, a criminal without a cause, a protector without something to protect...

“Ah, Juno.” I heard the familiar voice of Peter Nureyev coo. Well, almost without those things. “We were just getting things set up.”

“Ooh, we’re about to have SO much fun!” Rita laughed, causing her to lose her grip on the crate and cause it to hit the ground with a loud bang that made us all look at her.

The six-person crew of the Carte Blanche has just gotten back from stealing the VES, an old video-gaming system from the former Venusian colonies. Unfortunately, our escape was a little less than stellar, and now we needed to lay low for a while. Rita, always the one to suggest something funny, had planned to introduce us to Dragons and Demons or whatever it was called while we were pretending to not exist.

“Alright,” Rita said, laying her coms and a small bag on the table. “I was able to find a full copy of the Player’s Handbook on the web, which you can all download to your coms.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Could you-“

“Yeah, I can get ya set up, Mista Steel.” I’ve gotten lost in my coms’s settings menu before, so having Rita handle it would be best. 

“Do we each need our own, Rita dear?” Buddy said in a quiet voice. “Or would it be possible to share?”

“Sharing’s all good, Miss Buddy.” She then began to give everyone a determined look. “Shall we start?”

“Shouldn’t we get our handbook downloaded first?” I replied, interrupting Jet’s question before he could get a word out. “That way we can get reading instead of you having to explain every little...um...” I trailed off because I didn’t have the slightest idea how the game worked. Were there turns? Drawing pictures? “So how do we play this?”

“That was also going to be my question.” Jet finally said. “If I remember correctly, you mentioned something about dice...”

“Well, first, I should say that Dungeons and Dragons (that’s what it was called!) is a game about travelling and going on adventures in a made up fantasy world.”

“Like Andromeda!” Peter said, causing me to wince. I had a lot of bad memories relating to my mom and the famous movie character. And what had happened with the THEIA...

I felt a hand land on my shoulder. “Juno, are you alright?” Peter said, snapping me back to reality. “You looked a little blank-faced for a moment.” I then looked around and saw that everyone was gawking at me like I just sprouted a third arm.

“Of course, sorry, I just...Andromeda. Right. So we kinda make characters like her?”

“I mean,” Rita replied, “they don’t gotta be like her. She’s a little basic, you know? Feel free to make something a little bit more complicated if you wanna.”

“Sounds great!” Peter said. “I’ve always wondered how writers make characters for their stories.”

“Yeah, and all of your characters will meet and go on adventures! It’s gonna be so cool guys!” Her enthusiasm made Buddy smile and even Jet seemed happier behind his usual stern expression. 

“Alright, so where do we start?” I said into the silence. “And what’s in that bag?”

“This is a little something that I picked up when I started playing for the first time, and I haven’t lost since.” She then pulled some kind of small tablet out of the bag. It looked kinda like a coms, and when she switched it on, a little pair of hologram dice rolled. “It’s a digital dice roller. One of my family got it for me from a casino.”

That’s when I realized I had never once asked Rita about her family, beyond knowing she probably had one. I decided I would ask about it later.

“So whenever we need to roll dice,” Rita continued, “we’ll just use this.” She pressed a button and the two cube-shaped dice made a clicking sound and landed flat. “10!” she said out loud.

“Wonderful.” Vespa said, turning away from Buddy for a moment. “So are we starting to make characters or something?”

“I mean, yeah! There’s all these different races and classes to choose from...”

She then launched into a whole full-length description of all the character options. It was a little long, and I’ll be honest, I lost track of them all about ten minutes in. All I remember was that there were elves and dwarves and wizards and stuff. 

Buddy and Vespa chatted between themselves on what they wanted to play as, and they settled on something pretty early on. So they just did their own thing in the corner of our makeshift table.

Jet and Peter were listening intently to Rita and asked a bunch of questions about the difference between warlocks and sorcerers, what all the kinds of elves were, and whether there were more interesting class and race options than the ones in this Player’s Handbook. 

Peter was spellbound the whole time, and I could see him writing on one of those bits of paper he kept in his coat. I could see that mischievous half-grin spread a little wider when Rita mentioned something about sneak attacks.

That’s when it finally clicked what I wanted to do for my character. I borrowed a pen and a bit of paper from Nureyev - lingering a little too long on the hand-off - and wrote up a small bit of the character’s background. 

“Alright, that should be about all of ‘em.” Rita announced, causing all of us to hush. “Now I’m going to get Mista Steel set up with his coms and you can all get started puttin’ your characters together!”

Everyone began talking again, and we all got to work. This is what I had:

_ Amric Goreth had a wonderful childhood. He had a loving father, a kind mother, and an older sister that he constantly got in trouble with. They lived in the older part of town, and they weren’t very rich, but they were happy. _

_ That is, until the evil Lord Joarys came along. Amric’s father worked for Lord Joarys’s father, and when the new lord came to power, he dumped every “lowlife” and “lazy” person that worked for him. Amric’s father was wrongly accused of being one of them.  _

_ Amric became vengeful, angry. He soon began to see visions of getting his revenge on Lord Joarys from a strange source. What good he would do! But he was deceived, and his attempt to do good and get rid of Joarys was being used against him by Rhea. This demon was trying to get into this realm, and it used Amric to do so. _

_ After letting it free and causing the destruction of his childhood home in the process, he fled into the wilderness, using his magical knowledge to keep himself alive... _

“Wow, Mista Steel, you don’t need to write down everythin’.” I looked up to see Rita standing over me, with Peter giving me an odd look over his shoulder. “Just enough to get going.”

I paused before loudly flipping over the paper so both of them couldn’t read it. I figured that Rita wanted us to keep some secrets for the game.

I didn’t have to think long about Amric, because it seemed like everyone had finished their characters already. Buddy and Vespa were chatting about some old heist they had done back in the day, although Vespa tended to stare into the distance when she replied. Jet was doing some kind of calculation in the margin of his sheet, closely looking at his coms. Peter was already done, and he suddenly interrupted her, asking a question about what her favourite bad guy was.

“Well, there isn’t a singular bad guy in these sorts of tales, mostly because you kind of want to build up to a final boss, ya know, but-“

“Right, you want to climax with a big bang.” He shot me a look, and I pretended not to notice.

“Exactly, Mista Ransom.” It was then that she saw that I was listening, and she said, “You got a great character idea, Mista Steel?”

“I’ve got something, but I feel like I’m not filling in everything.” I took a glance at the rest of the character sheet. Race, class, pronouns, Strength, Charisma, Hit Points…

“Well, you got to get your attributes, your abilities, your spells if you got those-“

“Can we, ummm, do that away from everyone else?” I ran my hand through my hair nervously. “I need you to download my book to my coms, remember?”

“Alright everyone!” Rita clapped, and the conversations ended nearly immediately. “I think we’re gonna let these ideas stew for a while. I’m getting a bit tired, and I promised to show Jet a show on my computer later, so…”

“It’s about the possibility of the existence of aliens.” Jet said matter-of-factly. “It sounded riveting when Rita explained it to me.”

“Yeah! I just need to get Juno set up, but he wants a little privacy if that’s alright.” She adjusted her glasses.

“With Ransom?” Vespa said with a glare. Does she ever leave me alone?

“No, actually.” I replied dismissively, “Firstly, I am not doing anything with Ransom right now and secondly, I wouldn’t be doing anything if Rita was present.” I realized that the whole thing sounded a little bit flirtatious right after I finished saying it, so I continued, “Maybe just mind your own damn business.”

“Juno, Vespa, play nice.” Buddy announced. “Darling, let’s go get some sleep. I am immensely tired and if Juno wants to be alone with Rita and Ransom for the moment, they have that right.” At this, she carefully laid her hand on Vespa’s shoulder, and I felt the tension in the room melt as Vespa smiled lightly.

After a few moments, only Rita and I were left in the room. Jet lightly closed the door behind him, giving Rita one last quiet look.

“Okay, Mista Steel, what do ya got?”

I then explained Amric to her as best as I could, and I could see her eyes light up a little. She gasped when Joarys was introduced, but then her smile twisted into a concerned frown as I got toward the end.

“Mista Steel, that all sounds a little familiar.” She put her hand on mine comfortingly. “Are you still unhappy about the whole thing with the THEIA-“

“Oh no, I’m completely over that.” I lied. “Definitely. I only lost my eye, discovered my misplaced trust in a lot of people, was almost forced to hurt you against my will…”

“Juno…” She removed her glasses to brush at her eyes. “You know that’s not your fault, right?”

“Of course it’s not my fault. I’m not stupid.” But my scarred eye itched. “But it seemed like a good story if I changed some things around.”

“I suppose.” Rita suddenly seemed a lot more solemn than I ever remembered her being. “As long as you think you can do it without-“

“Without getting emotional?” I glared at her, and instantly regretted it. “Sorry, maybe I should change it…”

“It sounds great, boss.” She suddenly looked at her coms. “Anyways, that sounds like a great backstory for a wizard…”

Over the next half an hour, we hashed out my abilities, spells, and equipment. I loved the flavour text of the spells, and the idea of being a magical person walking around righting wrongs was attractive. I began to wonder what the rest of the group had planned, even after I returned to my room with my filled out sheet. Tomorrow, adventure…

*sounds of a dinner parlour fade back in*

Oh, going so soon? Well, there will be plenty more from this story, I assure you.

The Penumbra Podcast is created and produced by Kevin Vibert and Sophie Takagi Kaner, and funded by your generous support on Patreon. 


	3. Juno Steel and the Dungeon of Dreams (Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vespa's head is spinning after everyone leaves the game room to get some sleep. What if she's made a mistake? As usual, she can't seem to discern whether the "mistake" in question is the game, the group, or herself...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Just a note that, due to the Vespa POV in this chapter and the next one, there will be frank discussions of mental illness and references to thought spirals, paranoia, anxiety and self-deprecation. Please take care of yourselves!

*sounds of a dinner parlour*

Ah, good evening, Traveller. And welcome...to the Penumbra.

Tonight’s entertainment is: Juno Steel and the Dungeon of Dreams.

*sounds fade out*

After trying for over an hour to get my usually-fitful rest, I eventually gave up on sleeping. The thoughts were a little too spiralling tonight, and I knew that Buddy was already asleep next to me. I could hear the easy, slow rhythm of her breathing, the relaxed way that only Buddy could sleep.

This silly game that Rita wanted us to play spun through my head, all the various tables and dice roiling around in my head. I suddenly wondered if I made the right character choice, even though me and Buddy had made our characters together. What if I totalled up my Hit Points wrong, and it made the difference between my character dying or staying alive? Maybe it wasn’t too late, and I could change it-

I shook my head. It was just a game. It was for fun. For _fun_. I let out a controlled breath, trying to will away the wandering thoughts of my tired brain. If I was that worried, I could ask Rita to fix it just before we played.

Sometimes it still surprised me that Buddy chose me again, after everything that happened to me and happened to her. I could never forget the way the Martian sunset hit her ruby-coloured hair the night after I escaped the Board of Fresh Starts. It was like watching the sun; you know it hurts to watch, but you still can’t divert your eyes from its brilliance. 

Eventually, though, sleep does take me, but not before I absent-mindedly run my hands through Buddy’s curls. I would gladly go blind if it meant the last thing I saw would be Buddy.

I wake a few nightmare-filled hours later and turn over to see Buddy already getting up from the bed, putting on her robe to go into the shower. She catches me shifting out of the corner of her eye, and I could swear I saw her wink as she slowly shut the door behind her. I stretched out in the bed, patiently waiting to see her again.

A small bump came from the corridor outside. I immediately grabbed the knife I kept under my pillow and shifted over to the door, making sure I wouldn’t be visible if the door swung open suddenly. My blood began to boil, the feeling that there was an intruder sending adrenaline running through my veins like electricity. 

I heard a knock on the door, then an unfortunately-familiar voice coo, “Buddy? Vespa?” I heard Ransom knock again, a trite, polite knock hiding all kinds of motives. “Rita wants to talk to you about today’s game, if you have a moment.” 

Then I listened as Ransom walked away. I couldn’t ever shake the feeling that Ransom had at least ten more pieces on the chessboard than any of us, even Buddy. He hid half of them behind a sly fox-like smile, the other half of them behind his overacted uselessness, but they were there all the same. When he first joined the crew along with Steel, I kept a knife with me at all times just in case he tried anything. I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t still have it.

I snuck a look out at the corridor after a moment, just catching a glimpse of Ransom as he turned a corridor in the ship, heading toward the kitchen. That’s when I finally noticed my rumbling stomach.

“Buddy!” I yelled at the closed bathroom door. “Rita wants to talk! It’s about the game!” I shook my head, grabbed the bag with my character sheet and notepad in it, and went to have some breakfast.

Just after I finished my porco-bacon and eggs, I watched Rita come into the room with at least three separate notebooks and several pencils balanced on a pair of old tablets. She laid them out with a thump on the table in front of me and Buddy, causing the old rickety table to rock slightly under the weight.

“Morning Miss Buddy and Miss Vespa!” She then started up the one tablet and flipped through some menus, then scrawled something on the notebook page. “So, I just realized last night while I was talkin’ with Mista Jet that I know what Mista Steel has going on with his character but I don’t have you guys’ stories, so I wanted to just hear about your characters and check over things and whatnot!”

I raised my eyebrow. “So you have intel on the other players?”

She flipped her hand at me in an annoying way. “I ain’t gonna tell you nothin’, sorry! I just need to know how everyone’s character ticks so that you’re all enjoying yourselves!”

I scoffed, but Buddy gave me a shushing look. “Rita, darling, that sounds wonderfully proactive of you. What sorts of information do you need to know?”

I interrupted before Rita could reply, “What, so you can just tell Steel all about our abilities and stuff? Be a little spy?”

Rita looked hurt, but it was Buddy who put me in my place. “Vespa, dear, the game is cooperative, so Juno, Peter and Jet will be on our team. That’s partly why I agreed to the game, frankly.” She drummed her fingers lightly on the table, a habit she got from me.

“Thanks, Miss Buddy. It _is_ a game for a team, not just everyone out for themselves!” I didn’t have to meet her eyes to know she was talking to me.

“Well, in that case, what sort of questions do you have, Rita?” Buddy asked lightly.

“Well, let’s start with your characters!” Rita looked to me. “What are you playing, Vespa?”

I had to fish my sheet out of my bag, as I had already forgotten everything, even though we had just done this several hours ago. I laid the sheet in front of her wordlessly, my cheeks going bright red.

“Miss Vespa…” Rita looked over the paper, her eyes going down the columns of skills and abilities. She was likely searching every single box, realizing I had done it so wrong and made so many mistakes. Oh no, what if I had totalled my bonuses wrong? Carried a one somewhere where I didn’t have it? I could hear her now, tsking loudly in my head “Miss Vespa, all of this looks so wrong; I’ll fix it though, to make up for your mistakes…”

Instead of the scathing critique I heard in my head, though, I heard something else: “This looks wonderful! A barbarian, huh? Oooh, you’re going to have so much fun as long as you remember to add your rage bonus an your attacks and-“

“Thanks, Rita.” Buddy shut her up for me, somehow sensing that Rita’s prattling was making my head hurt. “I’ll lend Vespa a hand if she needs help.”

Those sentences cut through the mental static like butter. I could feel something warm going down near my mouth. I immediately wiped at it, hoping it wasn’t food. It was water. I was somehow crying, although I couldn’t quite figure out the reason.

“Miss Vespa, are you-?” Rita cocked her head to one side, which made me angrier somehow. “Ummm-“

“Thanks, Buddy.” I choked out with a sob. “I need, uh…” I got up from the table without another word, despite Rita’s worried voice behind me. The thoughts were too loud to hear her anyway.

It was Steel talking in my head this time as I went back to my room, my bag forgotten in the kitchen. “Well, well, well, Vespa Ilkay, you’ve just stormed off towards your room like a cranky toddler, huh? Couldn’t face the truth that you can’t focus on anything, as usual. Why should anyone trust you to play a game with them, much less trust you when they get hurt? Bet my boyfriend Ransom’s feeling the weight of your _attentive_ medicine right now in the med bay…”

My feet took me to the med bay before I realized what was happening. The door slid open nearly soundlessly, although I doubted I would hear it over the sounds of Steel berating me in my head.

“Vespa, is that-“

I spun around to find Ransom standing in the doorway, leaning on the doorframe. The top few buttons of his shirt were undone, and I saw a slight red mark on his chest just above his sternum that I had never noticed before. I hadn’t done those kinds of surgeries while I was with That Monster, but I recognized the shape of the scars well enough. The second he saw me looking at them, he did up the buttons so as to hide them. 

“What d’ya want, Ransom?” I glanced around the room desperately, looking for something to defend myself if Ransom got any closer. My eyes settled on a small scalpel I had left there from fixing Ransom’s wounds after Le Verrier. I began to very slowly back towards it, not giving it a second glance.

“Oh, I just wanted to check in.” He pointed to the cast. “I also needed to get a little bit of pain relief, as my poor leg is really hurting today, and if we’re going to be sitting for a long time while playing Dungeons and Dragons today I’m going to want-“

That’s when my back finally reached the counter where the scalpel was. I let my hand rest on it absent-mindedly. I saw him see me touch it, and he began to shake his head.

“Vespa, please. That’s hardly necessary.”

“What is?” I said, trying (and failing) to not make it sound forced.

“I saw you grab that scalpel. I’m not trying to hurt you…you know that, right?”

“Then why won’t you tell me why you’re so chipper today?” My fist tightened around the blade, almost daring Ransom to get closer.

“Because we’re going to have fun, Vespa! Rita has a wonderful diversion planned for us today, which I’m sure is rather needed after the tension of the last couple of days.” He winked at me, and I scoffed in reply. “Come now, this isn’t about Le Verrier, is it? I wasn’t trying to get injured on purpose just to inflict myself on you, trust me.”

“Trust, huh?” I scoffed again. “ ‘Trust’ is an odd choice of words for someone who won’t tell us who he’s working for or why he’s working for us right now.” I gave a knife-filled glare straight into his eyes. “We don’t even know your real name, _Ransom_.”

Ransom gulped. “I understand that my motives are a little suspect, Vespa, but I swear that I wouldn’t put you or Buddy-“

That’s when I leapt at him, knocking him onto his back. He yelped as his cast-covered leg bounced on the ground. I realized as I raised my fist over him that I had left the scalpel on the counter after all.

“Don’t talk about Buddy like that, thief." I settled on saying instead. "You might be having a cute time with Steel, but don’t think that he speaks for all of us.” I got up, suddenly guilty about knocking him over, and left the room in a daze, heading for the game room.

*sounds of a dinner parlour fade back in*

Oh, going so soon? Well, there will be plenty more from this story, I assure you.

The Penumbra Podcast is created and produced by Kevin Vibert and Sophie Takagi Kaner, and funded by your generous support on Patreon.


	4. Juno Steel and the Dungeon of Dreams (Part 4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The game begins, but Vespa is still reeling from her conversation with Peter. Everyone finally begins to describe their wacky characters as they meet at a tavern, and Juno is accused of cheating...

_*sounds of a dinner parlour*_

Ah, good evening, Traveller. And welcome...to the Penumbra.

Tonight’s entertainment is: Juno Steel and the Dungeon of Dreams.

_*sounds fade out*_

I slipped into the game room early to find that I wasn’t the only one with that idea. However, it was Jet that was also there, patiently snacking on a piece of plain square bread. He had set up some of Rita’s things, creating a divider between her space and ours so that she could do things in secrecy. It made me a little nervous.

“Fantastic to see that you are also excited for Rita’s game today, Vespa.” Jet looked down at his character sheet for a brief moment. “I was so interested in seeing what she had prepared that I helped set up her tools of the trade, as she called it.”

Was I the only one who didn’t have a hand in helping Rita play her silly game? Steel had a deep conversation with her last night, Buddy was the one to give her permission, Ransom undoubtedly did something, and now Jet had helped her set up and talked about his character motivations with her or whatever. I could almost hear her in my head, starting to tickle my ear, “Oh, Miss Vespa, you should really help your friends or they might get reeeeeal suspicious…”

“You don’t seem to be particularly enthused about today’s adventure, Vespa.” Jet gave me one of his patented blank expressions. “Are you alright?”

“Not particularly.” I decided to be truthful, as I couldn’t imagine being pointlessly rude to Jet. “Bit of a rough start. Me and Ransom had a bit of an-“

At that moment, Ransom came in through the door, carefully shifting forward with a slight wince as he put a little weight on his broken leg. The injury that I had just aggravated by knocking him over in the med bay a few moments earlier. I looked away, refusing to give him the satisfaction of knowing I was guilty. 

“Good morning, Jet!” Ransom decided, for who knows what reason, to sit down next to me. He laid his character sheet out, where I could see that he had doodled and scribbled a bunch of small pictures and notes into the margins. I remembered Steel making some joke about Ransom having deep pockets to keep all of his artwork in, but it wasn’t particularly inspiring work.

Jet did not reply to Ransom. Instead, I heard a small sigh. I mean, Jet’s rivalry with Ransom was well-known at this point. The best I could get from Jet was that Ransom had borrowed the RUBY7 for a little joyride on Mars, scratching some of the paint and making the car temperamental. I didn’t sound so bad to me, all things considered, but every time Jet said “Thief” instead of Ransom’s name, I could feel the non-expressed anguish underneath it.

I looked up from my lap to look at my little motley crew. “So, what’s everyone playing as?” I gave Ransom a bit of a side glance, and I could see him get a little red. Although that was probably the fact that Steel had just walked into the room.

“Ah, Juno. I saved this seat over here for you!” He then patted the seat on the other side of him, sitting up a little straighter himself. I barely stopped myself from rolling my eyes loud enough to wake the dead. 

“Thanks, Peter, but I was thinking of sitting over on this side so I’m closer to Rita if I have any questions.” I almost didn’t contain my laughter. Not only was Ransom being denied his lady crush, but Steel had just admitted that he wasn’t sure about this whole game and needed to be near Rita for help. Rule number one of escaping defeat: never admit you have a weakness. 

“Mornin’ everyone!” Rita waddled into the room, trying to balance a few books and notepads in her hands as the door to the game room slid open. Buddy was right behind her, patiently waiting until she was most of the way to the other end of the table for sitting directly across from her…and away from me.

Buddy had promised to help me if I had trouble, and I gave her a look that I hoped read _What the hell?_ but then she waved a hand. “Rita, dear, I hope you’re ready. I can give us about three hours before I need to go and reconfigure the ship’s trajectory to our next destination, so we don’t have too much time to spend on this.”

“Thanks, Miss Buddy! Almost…er…there!” She finished moving the various notebooks around and sticking some notes onto the dividing board. “Perfect, we can get going now!”

“Don’t worry, Vespa,” I heard Ransom whisper to me just before Rita started the game, “I’ll help you, if you’ll allow me.”

Fat chance of that. I'd rather trust my body to the Martian desert for another five years.

“So, setting the scene.” Rita leaned in and, I’ll admit, most of us leaned in too. “It’s the middle of winter in the Duchy of Blancard. Snow covers every surface, including the little corner of the world where the village of Lowbridge is. It’s got some farms, some cows, and a few people. Most importantly for all of you, it has a little inn where travellers spend the night, the Umbra Hotel. It’s made of this dark wood that comes from deep within the Whispering Wood that surrounds the village, and lanterns give everythin’ in the building an eerie light…”

My head started to wander a little bit as Rita described the inn where everyone was. Long flowing descriptions never helped me much, so I decided to sneak a good look at Buddy. She was listening intently as she gently pulled some of her hair out of the way, showing the burned side of her face a little. The number of times I had traced those scars when I couldn’t sleep…

“…and there’s only one unused table right now, as there’s a festival in town today and many people are meeting here before heading up to the hill for the fireworks show. That means that the five strangers who walked into town yesterday on their way elsewhere are gonna have to sit together.” She clapped her hands together gleefully, drawing my focus back to her. “Which reminds me, what does everyone look like? Let’s start with you, Miss Vespa!”

I gulped. “Well, ummm, I’m a dragonborn, so I…I’m very big and muscular. I carry a big sword, and I’ve got a mean look on my face.”

“Okay!” Rita pointed at Buddy. “Since you two are a kinda package deal, I’ll let you go next, Miss Buddy!”

“Thank you, Rita. I am also a dragonborn, although unlike my large and muscular friend, I appear to be a bit smaller. I am wearing a large white robe emblazoned with a sun and I carry only a small hatchet by my side for weapons.”

“Wonderful! And Mista Ransom? I kinda skipped you to get to Buddy, so you can be next.”

“To start,” Ransom began, “I don’t appear to be very interesting at all. I wear large, baggy clothes that cover much of my body, gloves are covering my hands, and long pants and thick boots. The only part of my body that might be visible if you look hard enough is a bit of scales underneath the shadow of my hood.”

“That sounds rather suspicious, but okay.” I heard Steel laugh, although the look he gave Ransom after that hardly seemed insulting. Ugh.

“Mista Jet, I think you’re up next.”

“Well, everyone,” Jet replied, “I basically appear to be a person made of wood and metal. I creak a little bit when I move as I doubt I’ve been oiled recently, and I am carrying a spear that looks a little worn at the end. I also have propped up a large shield next to my seat, a large thing around five feet long and two feet wide.”

“So basically big enough to cover someone like me?” Rita asked, snickering.

“Almost exactly, although it might not be necessarily wide enough to hide Rita, if she were hypothetically in this world.”

“Sounds heavy.” Ransom said.

“It is rather heavy, yes. Thankfully, my great strength means that it is not a large hindrance to me.”

“Thanks, Jet. Mista Steel, you’re the last one to go.”

“Okay.” Steel looked down at his sheet for a moment and then said. “Well, I’m probably the only human-looking person at the table. I’ve got one hand on a small book that I carry with me everywhere I go and another hand on a plate of food that I’m eating rather quickly, like I’ve got somewhere to be. I have short dark hair, brilliant blue eyes, and I’m looking around at everyone with an expression that says ‘I would love for you to try to fight me but I already know how to beat you before you can even move.’ “

“Oh, and Ransom’s character sounds suspicious.” I said aloud, saying what I bet everyone else was thinking.

“I mean,” Rita replied, “you are all strangers and whatnot…so you’re all gonna look suspicious to each other.”

“I try to see what Juno’s character is reading.” Ransom said, breaking the tension. He leaned over to look at Juno’s character sheet, and Steel mocked covering it with his hand. 

“ _It’s, ummm, just light reading. Research, and stuff._ ” Steel looked really awkward, and he tried to fake a younger person’s voice, but it just sounded really strange.

Rita leaned over to Steel. “ _Hiya there, I’m the tavern keeper, can I get a drink for you and…_ ” she gave all of us a conspiratorial look, “ _…your friends_?”

I nodded, trying to grab the tavernkeeper’s attention. “ _Yes, I want a drink_.” Going off of Steel’s terrible example, I tried to lower my voice. “ _A big sturdy beer, please_.”

Rita nodded. “ _Of course, Mx…ummm…_ ” She stalled for a moment and that’s when I realized she was asking for my name.

“ _Betru_.” I nodded. “ _Mx. Betru Zarnos. But make it snappy! Me and my lady friend have work to do today_.” That last part was a guess, as I assumed that Buddy…or "Neira", I guess, had something planned for our day. 

“ _Oh, you have plans_?” Jet said, suddenly sitting up straight. “ _So do I! I want to partake in this festival that I have seen people prepare in the last couple of days!_ ” Jet kept over-accentuating his words so that they sounded…well, robotic. Seeing as his character was basically the fantasy equivalent of a robot, that made sense, but it was really odd listening to him speak. Jet already sounded robotic anyway, so I didn’t really get why he was making the extra effort…

Ransom snickered next to me, breaking me out of my stupor. His voice came out like a hiss, “One for Mura asss well.” I gave him a weird look, and he coughed loudly in response. “think that I have a cold or ssomething. Hard to sspeak.” 

“I’m a doctor, Ransom, I could-“

“Oh no, Mura says this, not me.” His voice cleared, and I realized that was his character voice. “I, Peter Ransom, am perfectly fine.” 

“ _Mura, huh?_ ” I turned to Rita. “Is that a foreign name or something? Do I recognize it?”

Rita handed over the little tablet thing she had shown us yesterday. “Go ahead and roll a Geography check.”

I blanked. A what? I looked on my sheet, trying to find how I was supposed to do that. I eventually found a number under Skills. “My sheet says ‘-1’ so does that mean I roll this and take away one?”

“Yeah, roll the twenty-sided die, not the six-sided one.”

Peter’s hand went over to the device. “I can show you-“

“Don’t need help from you, Ransom.” I selected the little button marked “d20”, then rolled it. It was an eighteen, minus one was seventeen.

“Ooh, a seventeen! Great for the first roll of the game!” I couldn’t help but smile a little. I did it! Rita continued, “It’s not a name that sounds familiar though. It isn’t from around here, that’s for sure, but maybe somewhere else in Blancard or maybe one of the other nations. It might be, you don’t know, Jorandian? Maybe?”

“But I rolled so high!” I argued. “It’s not a twenty, but it’s still really good!”

“Well, it was a really hard roll, so sometimes you don’t get the answers right away?” Rita didn’t seem pleased, and my momentary happiness at rolling well was dashed.

“Could I try?” Steel said. “I’m guessing I overheard that.”

RIta squinted. “Mista Steel, I’m going to need you to roll a Perception check to see if you overheard or not.” She took the roller out of my hands and passed it to Steel. He then proceeded to actually shake the thing instead of pressing the button, and it actually rolled, weirdly enough. 

It landed on a four. Steel sucked in his breath, and Rita shook her head. “Yeah, that’s a six in total.”

“No luck, Mista Steel.”

“ _Are you all going to the festival?!_ ” Jet’s over-exaggerated voice announced. “ _I heard it will be quite fun!_ ”

“Jet, dear,” Buddy replied, “you don’t have to half-yell to get across that your voice is different.” She cleared her throat then replied with a fake accent, “ _Yes, dear, that’s part of the reason that myself and Betru came to this village. We have heard great things about this festival…_ ” She then turned to look at Rita. “What _do_ I know about this festival?”

“Roll a Religion check.” Buddy ended up getting a twenty-three, so Rita replied, “You want to go to this festival because it’s actually a festival to your deity, as it’s a festival about getting through the winter and seeing the sun again.”

“Like that ‘Krismus’ holiday that Khan used to talk about.” Steel said. “Except with less angry men in red suits and more fireworks, I’m hoping.”

“That’s the vibe, yeah.” Rita answered.

“Who’s Khan?” Ransom said in an accusatory way. “An old friend?”

“Hardly, he used to be my superior in the HCPD. Anyway, he could never come to my birthday parties because this holiday was the same day.”

“Not like he would miss anything, Mista Steel.” Rita said, looking down at her notes. “Most of the time you ended up just getting wasted with me and a couple of your otha friends-”

“Rita, really!?”

“Darling, this is a rather fascinating look into Juno’s early life, but I would like to get back to the game.” Thanks, Buddy. The idea of Steel having friends who didn’t want to wish him bodily harm was making my stomach turn.

“Right, sorry, Miss Buddy! So that’s what you know about the, er, festival.” Rita was flipping through her notes as if she was searching for something, which didn’t sit right with me.

“What are ya looking for, Rita?” I tried to lean over, but then saw Steel doing the same thing and thought better of it.

“That!” She scanned down a page and then said, “That’s when you guys all hear shouts from outside!”

I heard Steel scoff. “So are we just going to skip over the fact that Vespa just tried to steal a look at your secret notes? Because I don’t think that’s exactly great sportsmanship.”

“Oh, fuck off, Steel, you were looking too!”

“Ladies!” Ransom jumped to his feet. “There’s no need to accuse each other of cheating. It was wrong for both of you to do it.” He gave Steel a strange look that reminded me of the looks that I gave Buddy in the bedroom, which made me scoff loudly. The thoughts in my head began to whirr at breakneck speeds.

“All of you!” Buddy was also standing now, and the look she was giving us made me instinctively flinch. “Vespa, Peter, sit down!” That’s when I realized that I was also standing up, and carefully shifted back onto the packing crate that I was using for a chair. Ransom did the same, albeit with another furtive glance to Steel. “If I heard Rita correctly, we have better things to do than yell at each other.”

“The shouts, yeah.” Rita gave us all a sneaky look. “They’re coming from outside, and they’re soundin’ mighty loud all of a sudden…”

“ _Foes_!” Jet said. “ _We must do our duty and help them!_ ” 

“Oh great, time to trade blows, although I doubt these enemies are interested in fisticuffs.” Steel leaned back in his chair, which was also a crate, but with a second, taller crate behind it. 

“ _TO BATTLE_!” Rita yelled, and began to grab a large paper behind her…

_*sounds of a dinner parlour fade back in*_

Oh, going so soon? Well, there will be plenty more from this story, I assure you.

The Penumbra Podcast is created and produced by Kevin Vibert and Sophie Takagi Kaner, and funded by your generous support on Patreon.


	5. Juno Steel and the Dungeon of Dreams (part 5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Carte Blanche crew gets into their first D&D combat encounter as they leave the Umbra Hotel to find goblins attacking guards and looting a cart in the town square. Will they rise to the challenge?

* _sounds of a dinner parlour_ *

Ah, good evening, Traveller. And welcome...to the Penumbra.

Tonight’s entertainment is: Juno Steel and the Dungeon of Dreams.

* _sounds fade out_ *

Rita’s game suddenly picked up in pace as she collected and laid out a large sheet of paper that she had been keeping next to her makeshift chair. The paper unfurled to reveal a hastily-drawn area that vaguely resembled a town square, with small statue-like shapes and brown lines indicating the walls of shops. Rita produced a selection of small red chips with our names on them and put them outside of one such building, presumably the tavern we had just been carousing in.

“Okay, I need everyone to roll an Initiative roll!” Rita said loudly as she gestured for Juno to roll and began to put together something behind her…screen. I remembered that she had called it a screen when she had been talking to me the previous day after our usual show. I had not placed any computer monitors behind it when I had set it up earlier today, so I cannot imagine why “screen” was the word used.

“And where is our Initiative modifier, Rita darling?” I watched Buddy scan up and down her character sheet.

“It’s located right above the Hit Point total.” I answered as Juno passed me the dice roller. I rolled, got a 16, then passed it over to Buddy.

“Thank you, Jet.” She rolled, getting a 15 on her die roll, and passed it over to the Thief.

Rita spread her hands wide and announced, “You come out into the main plaza outside the Umbra Hotel, and it’s absolute chaos! There’s a few little creatures that are beating up a dwarven guard over here,” whereby she laid a small grey token and three green tokens to our characters’ left, “then there’s another couple of them trying to steal from this wagon,” she finished as she laid out two more tokens on our right, over by a mess of scribbles that I took to be the wagon. “They’ve got big green ears, large pointed teeth, and are dressed in a variety of weird red and brown rags.”

By this point, both the Thief and Vespa had rolled their initiative rolls as well and they passed the dice roller back to Rita. She quickly made a couple of rolls behind her screen and then said, “Alright so as you enter the plaza, what is everyone’s initiative result?” We all quickly told her, and she continued, “In that case, Mista Jet, you go first.”

I quickly glanced at my character sheet to see what I could do. I know that I had my shield and spear, so I decided a straightforward attack was the most likely course of action. “I would like to move towards the trio of creatures attacking the guard with my spear prepared.”

“Alrighty, Mista Jet.” Rita picked up my token and moved it towards the group of creatures, carefully counting each square until I was only a couple of squares away. “Unfortunately you’re a little too far to get into melee with them, Mista Jet, but you can always throw your spear from there if you want to attack.” She shrugged. “Or you can run the remaining distance but that’s be the rest of ya turn.”

I shrugged. “Why not? I’ll attack with my spear.” Rita passed the dice roller over. “This is also a twenty-sided die?”

“Yeah, plus your attack bonus for your spear, which is plus six, I think?”

“It’s plus five, actually, but thank you, Rita.” I rolled the die and got a result of eleven, plus five was…“Sixteen.”

“That’ll hit him! Now roll the damage for the spear attack.” I did so and only got a one on the eight-sided die, plus three was four. “You launch your spear at the goblin, and it grazes it in the shoulder-”

“A goblin, you say?” I heard the Thief coo from across the table, causing me to glance in his direction. “Would we recognize them as goblins, or was that a simple slip of the tongue?”

Rita looked down at her notes for a moment, then said, “You can roll a Nature check if you wanna know what they are, Mista Ransom, which anyone can do if they want.”

The Thief immediately took the dice roller from me and rolled a twenty on the die. “If I remember correctly, a natural twenty is an automatic success, isn’t it?” he answered smugly.

“Well, yeah, but I’d rather let anyone else roll if they want before I tell ya.”

“I’d like to know too.” Vespa replied, snatching the roller from the Thief. “Uh, fourteen, I think.”

“Okay,” Rita replied with a smirk, “anyone else?”

“You know what, I’ll bite.” Juno said, carefully picking up the device from Vespa.

“Why would you need to know?” Vespa said accusatorially. “Your boyfriend already got a natural twenty.”

“Well, Mura knows, but Amric might not, so…” He rolled it and got a fifteen in total.

“Okay, yeah, they’re goblins.” Rita admitted with a chuckle. “You’d have to roll really bad to not know that.” She then turned back in my direction and asked if there was anything else I would like to do with my turn. Since I did not, my turn ended.

The Thief went next, pretending you pull something from his belt. I saw Vespa tense next to him a little. “Mura,” he said, “would like to throw a dagger at the nearest...goblin, was it?...aiming to disable them as quickly as possible.”

“Alright, Mista Ransom! The closest ones would be over here, by the wagon.” The Thief nodded, Jet, if you’ll pass him the roller...”

I slowly gave him the dice roller, and he rolled his attack. It was much higher than my attack, but I hadn’t rolled particularly well so I assumed he had been luckier than me. Then he shook his head in mild annoyance.

“Rita, dear, I forgot to apply my poison to the daggers first. Could I perhaps rewind a step and do that first?”

Rita sighed. “Sure, it’s your first time tryin’ to remember all this stuff, I won’t fault ya for forgetting something.” She nodded and Peter then rolled two four-sided dice, getting a three and a one. “Eight damage in total, only one being the poison damage. If I’m not mistaken, I need have allies closer to the enemies to add the sneak attack damage?”

“Actually you do, because you’re going before them. It’s like they were focused on raiding the wagon and didn’t notice you.”

“Oh well in that case I need to add some more damage.” The Thief rolled yet another two six-sided dice, adding an additional four. “That makes twelve total damage to the goblin.”

“Yeah, that’d kill him, actually. You watch as it catches the goblin in the side of the throat and there’s a lot of blood everywhere as he falls over dead. Great shot!” She removed the one goblin figure from the board, leaving us with four left to dispatch. “If you wanna move somewhere, Mista Ransom, you can do that too.”

“I think I’ll move just a couple of squares closer to the wagon. I don’t want to make myself a big target, but I also want to get closer and see what they’re stealing, if I can.”

“Okay, Mura. You can get a little closer, like that far?” She then moved the Thief’s token two squares closer to the goblins, and the Thief nodded. She then leaned forward a little and said, “All of you notice as Mura moves towards the goblins that a small dark green tail pokes out from underneath his cloak.”

“Would it happen to be a dragonborn tail,” Buddy asked, “not unlike the ones that me and Betru have? Or something else?”

“Well, you’re not too sure.” Rita gave Peter a quizzical look, as though asking for permission of some kind. The Thief nodded, and she continued, “It looks kind of scaly, like yours, but Mura’s a bit short for a dragonborn.”

“There can’t be that many scaly folk out there.” Vespa announced. “Could we roll something or some shit to find out?”

“Ummm.” Rita was biting her lip, which told me that she was likely having a difficult time deciding something.

“Well, can we or can’t we?” Juno demanded. “It’s not a hard question.”

“I think I’ll leave it up to Peter, actually.” Rita said with finality. Her brow arced in discomfort.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Vespa rolled her eyes aggressively. “I thought you were in charge of this game, Rita.”

“I mean, technically we’re all in charge of the game, but I just know the most about it…”

“Vespa, stand down.” Buddy stood up yet again. “Juno, I’m sure that Rita has a lot of factors to weigh. Perhaps the specifics of Pete’s character are meant to be a secret, and she was wondering if Peter was comfortable sharing that information so soon.”

“Sorry, Rita.” Juno mumbled next to me. I don’t think it was loud enough for Rita to hear it.

“Last I recall,” she continued, “Rita said this is a cooperative game, and we are hardly being cooperative right now. I am not going to be the first one to treat this like a legitimate training exercise, but we can at least work together to get the most from this.” At that, she sat back down and I saw her put her head in her hands like she had done to me all those years ago when I would still “act up” from time to time. I understood that this was not a debate, but the silence that followed Buddy’s statements dragged on a little too long to be comfortable.

“Okay, so do you want to roll a Nature check for me, Miss Vespa?” Rita said with a scowl.

Vespa shrugged. “I guess the moment’s passed or whatever. Maybe he’s just short or something.”

“Alright then, your turn Miss Buddy.” Rita leaned back on her box as if it were a stool, and I watched as she fumbled for half a second as she had apparently forgotten that the makeshift chair had no back, and therefore no way for her to lean against it. I heard Juno chuckle a bit as she grabbed onto the table for support.

“Thank you, Rita. Neira is going to indicate that the goblins beating up the guard are more of a threat to the townsfolk than the singular goblin attacking the cart, and…” Buddy checked her sheet for a moment, flipping it over and reading for a moment. “Could I use a Sacred Flame on that goblin there?”

“Sure, it’ll try to dodge out of the way, though.” Rita picked up the dice roller and got a result of 11. “Is 13 enough to beat the Spell Save DC on your spell sheet?”

“I have a fourteen for that statistic, so I’ll say no.”

“Alright, then you get to roll the damage for that then. Neira raises her, um, you have a holy symbol right?” Buddy nodded, and Rita continued, “Right, you raise your holy symbol and there’s a brilliant flash of light like the sun rising except it’s on the ground, and a beam of sunlight hits this goblin and does…?”

“2 damage. Not my best, I suppose.” Buddy smirked in response as Rita marked something down in one of her notebooks.

“The goblin tried to dodge out of the way, and the beam barely grazes its shoulder, giving it a bit of a burn. Anything else you’d like to do, Buddy?”

“Nope, I think I’ll stay put, otherwise.”

“Okay. Miss Vespa, it’s your turn.”

“Right, um, I’m going to…” Vespa waved her hands in the air a little bit that I had seen her do when she was having difficulty deciding on a course of action. “…that! Yeah! I am going to rage!” Vespa made an angry face and growled a little. “I think that’s a bonus action, so I can still do other stuff, right?”

“Yeah, you can move to get closer to the enemies and then attack them!” The Thief said next to her.

“Right, uh, thanks, Ransom. I will, um, do that.” She then moved her figure to where the three goblins were, and explained that she took her gigantic decorated sword from her scabbard and sliced at one of the goblins. She rolled a really high attack roll and then rolled a very high damage roll as well. She was smiling, and she smirked at the Thief. “I bet that absolutely eviscerates the goblin!”

“It does! You watch as Betru takes out their sword and slices the goblin right across the gut, causing it to collapse to the ground. Great job!” Rita made another note on her notebook and removed another goblin token from play, leaving three left. “Juno’s turn is next.”

Juno looked distressed for a moment as he looked at his papers. “Um, there was a spell…it did, like, poison damage? I can’t find remember which one-“ Then he snapped his fingers. “Poison Spray, that one. I’d like to do that. You said it kind of hits two people, right?”

“Right, yeah. So Amric rubs his hands togetha and a purplish orb of something nasty forms between his hands and it flies out towards the goblins. Roll an attack.” Juno did so, getting a miss on one and a hit on the other. “Poisonous liquid splatters on the two goblins, but one of them dodges enough of it to not get hurt by it a lot. The other though, takes-”

“One damage.” Juno said dejectedly.

“Yeah, it wasn’t exactly your best but every little bit helps!” When Juno indicated that Amric was not going to do anything else on his turn, Rita continued by having the guard take his turn. “He gets up to try and flee, crying out a little from a wound in his leg. He tries to hobble away, but then a goblin jumps on him and stabs at him!” She picked up the tokens and moved them a couple of squares away. It looks like he’s having a bad time, then the goblin stabs him again and he crumples to ground, bleeding from the neck and back.”

“That’s not so good!” I said.

Rita nods. “If you can get a healing spell or a potion to him, he’ll probably be okay, but it’s lookin’ dire. The other goblin,” and at this she indicated the token next to Vespa’s character, “takes a strike at you.” She rolled and got a high number, but only did four points of damage.

Vespa found that amusing, oddly. “I’ve got fifteen hit points; I can live with four less.”

Rita then said the other goblin had hopped into the cart, still looking for something and using the cart for cover. “That ends the round,” Rita announced, “so we’ll head back up to the top of the round with Jet. What’s Stalwart up to this round?”

I took another good look at the battlefield. Vespa’s character was currently fighting a goblin, a second was standing over the dying guard, and a third was preparing to attack the Thief’s character. Things were beginning to become more tricky.

I eventually replied, “I think I will have Stalwart retrieve his spear from the ground...where would it have landed?”

Rita thought to herself for a moment. “It’d be, erm, around here.” She then pointed to a square a short distance behind the goblin. “Because you threw the spear?”

“I attacked the goblin by throwing my spear at it, yes. Could I go over, retrieve my spear, and then move back in to attack the goblin nearby me?” I figured that this would work within the confines of the game.

“Yep!” I moved my figurine over towards the goblin, and Rita described my spear’s successful stab at it, which was just enough to wound it badly in the shoulder.

Then it was the Thief’s turn again. “I think I’m going to take advantage of Betru’s work over there, if you’ll pardon the pun, and I’ll throw another dagger at the goblin next to her.”

“Them.”

“Oh, sorry, next to them.” The Thief then rolled a remarkable attack that killed the goblin outright. Rita described in detail how Mura’s knife plunged into the goblin’s neck, causing it to fall lifeless to the ground.

“Great shot, Mista Ransom!” Rita said in response to Peter finishing his turn. “It’ll be your turn next, Miss Buddy.”

“Thank you, Rita. I believe I’ll have Neira move to deal with the rogue goblin over by Mura. I take out my mace and give it a solid hit.” Buddy rolled very well as well, leading to the goblin getting badly damaged.

Vespa’s turn was next, and she simply declared that the goblin was going to be “dead meat.” Her attack hit it square in the face, driving it limply into the ground. That left Juno to deal with the last goblin on his turn by launching a collection of green magical missiles that blew it to pieces.

“Well done, everyone!” Rita said as she took the remaining tokens off of the map and began to roll it up again. “That’s your first combat down! How did it go?”

Juno immediately pouted. “I barely got to do anything! I basically cleaned up the remaining goblins while the rest of you were busy being big heroes!”

Buddy cleared her throat. “But you did it admirably, Juno. It was mainly the luck of the roll that you didn’t get much of a chance to join us as, what, ‘big heroes’?”

Vespa and Peter gave each other a strange look, and one thing that stood out was that there was no animosity in their expressions as they regaled each other with tales of their exploits and how Peter did so well on his attacks. I was mostly sneaking glances at Rita, and she was positively beaming.

“Right, well,” Rita tried to get everyone’s attention, and needed a couple of moments before everyone calmed down so she could continue, “as you deal with the last of the goblins, Amric, you can see that they were robbing a wagon filled with books. The goblins didn’t find what they were looking for there, it seems; you interrupted them before they could steal what they were searching for.”

“Books?” Juno narrowed his eye. “Any particular kind of books?”

“You can roll an investigation check.” Rita looked away from Juno while he was rolling. “What is everyone else doin’?”

“I will quickly run over to the guard.” Buddy answered without a second’s hesitation. “Is he in danger of dying?”

“Yeah, looks like the goblin gave him a couple of bad stabs to the neck, so he might bleed out if no one helps him.”

“Then I’ll cast a Cure Wounds.” Buddy mimicked putting her hands on someone, and whispered, “May the light of the stars soothe your wounds.”

“That’ll work! Make sure you mark off the use of the spell.” Rita flipped a page in her notebook. “He sputters a little in your arms as the wounds close, then hoarsely chokes out, _Thank you, stranger._ “ Rita gave herself a weird accent for the guard’s voice, something that reminded me of movies about old Earth’s Brit-Een or whatever it was called.

I interrupted, “Are there other goblins anywhere in sight?”

“Good question!” Rita glanced at her notebook again. “The guard points, _There’s the rest of them! Don’t let them get away!_ ”

I replied, “ _Quick everyone! We must stop them from getting away!_ “ Juno nodded next to me, and both Vespa and Peter looked interested in further fantasy carnage as we told Rita that we would pursue the goblins…

* _sounds of a dinner parlour fade back in_ *

Oh, going so soon? Well, there will be plenty more from this story, I assure you.

The Penumbra Podcast is created and produced by Kevin Vibert and Sophie Takagi Kaner, and funded by your generous support on Patreon. We would like to thank all who support us on Patreon, but especially to Noah “Lizard Lord” Simes, Jet is Metal Sir Angelo, and Sad Wizard Vibes for their generous contributions per episode.

I’m sorry you’ve been called away, dear traveller. We hope to see you again soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Due to current events surrounding the TTRPG industry and Dungeons and Dragons in particular, I am getting more and more uncomfortable making D&D related content, including this fic. Dungeons and Dragons as a company has shown themselves to be uninterested in addressing the colonialist and bio-essentialist baggage that has plagued the game since its creation, and I can't in good conscience continue to bankroll that lack of reflection. As such, this will be the last update to this fic that I will be making until further notice.
> 
> If you loved this fic and want more like it, I can guarantee that there are other folks out there making this kind of work. I am also still making other work here for this fandom and others, including a Juno Steel bakery au that I'm currently writing...
> 
> Stay safe and stay happy, cuties! I love you <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my friends danny and jay for beta reading this. I did NOT want to die like a Hyperion mayor, so thanks!
> 
> This is my first fic for the fandom, so please show your support! Your kudos and comments make the next update quicker and more motivated!


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